Bullying takes many different forms and can cause high levels of stress and anxiety and even depression. At its most serious it may lead to someone feeling unable to continue to live in their home or stay in their job because of the harassment they experience, on a day to day basis.
Bullying behaviour is sometimes difficult to recognise because it may include verbal threats and humiliation and not just physical violence. It can be ‘projected’ bullying as a friend once told me of their neighbour who was starting their farm vehicle at 6am every day outside their house and just leaving the engine running or focusing their car lights into their bedroom. This could be seen as just day to day working so easy for the bully to believe they’ll get away with it, these are the most dangerous bullies. There may be repeated attempts to undermine someone's confidence, criticism, or intimidation and what could be considered ‘picking on someone’. As with bullying at school, it can be difficult to confront or address because the victim can be seen to be ‘a moaner’ or difficult person.
Children today are being exposed to additional channels of bullying through online activity and the same applies to adults at work. Bullies may use all sorts of methods of intimidation to undermine their victim.
If you feel you are being bullied then if possible, talk it over with someone. If you have a friend who you feel may be sympathetic, it is worth approaching them. If it’s at work then your employer will have a duty of care to you and if you are under stress as a result of something that is happening in the workplace, they should advise and support you. They may also be able to put things in perspective and confirm that it is in fact bullying behaviour.
However, as with all bullying there is so much a victim of bullying can do for themselves to stop this and any future incidents that may occur.
1. One solution is to look back to your past and consider all the situations when you may have been bullied. Many times bullying from the past can causes the foundation for the future and without realising it your behaviour could be allowing it to happen. Some reflection can really help here, if you were bullied in the past, what did you do about it, what did you learn from it, what worked, what didn’t. What skills did you use to overcome it? How did you decide that enough was enough or did it just go away? If you didn’t have to deal with it in the past and it just went away then you may lack the skills and confidence to want to deal with it now but it is important that you do, so you can build up the resources to stop it now and for good.
2. Another solution could be to confront the bully in a non-threatening way. It may be to describe to them how their behaviour is coming across to you. ‘You are acting like someone with anger issues, did you realise that?’ or ‘It’s disappointing that you feel you have to project your anger on to me, rather than dealing with it in a better way’. Their actions may not be deliberate and it’s possible they are unaware of the distress they are causing. They could be modeling the behaviour that was imposed on them at an earlier age and it’s all they know.
3. Keep a record of events by either setting up a private Facebook group or a WhatsApp group with a friend. Every incident that happens then record it and send the details to the friend or the Facebook page. It will be time stamped detailing every incident as it occurs and what you did about it. This will help you gain perspective on the situation and will be useful, if you seek support from the authorities.
4. Don’t give the bully what they want. Bullying behaviour relies on a reaction from the victim and if the bully doesn’t get that angry or frightened reaction back, they may soon give up and move on. Watch your body language, instead of cowering in fear, hold your shoulders back and your head high, showing yourself to be strong and unaffected by their comments or behaviour. This isn’t easy to do and requires self-confidence and determination.
Most importantly never suffer alone, when one of my children was being bullied, they told me about it and I asked them how they wanted me to deal with it. Did they want me to put a stop to it or teach them how to put a stop to it. They chose the latter and no-one has bullied them since, sometimes you have to get creative with the bullies. My child’s solution was to build friendships with some older children and the bully backed off, different actions work with different scenarios but do your research and never accept bullying behaviour as normal.