Every family has its difficult relationships and if there’s one time of year when these can blow out of control it’s at Christmas. This is often a time when you may be forced to socialise with members of the family you’d rather not be around, for whatever reason. If there’s someone, that you’re not looking forward to seeing this festive season here are a few tips to help you through.
· Ask yourself if the feelings you have for this person are based on fact or your interpretation of the facts. To test this out, imagine you’re relaying all the information you believe to be true about the person in question to someone else. What do you think they would say to you? Sometimes our mind can make us perceive our beliefs about a person as facts.
· If you arrive at a relative’s house reluctantly, your feelings will be quickly picked up by those around you, even if you don’t actually put them into words. Getting together in a neutral place will make the meeting less emotionally charged and help you feel more in control of the situation, so meet at a restaurant if you can.
· Looking at life from the other person’s point of view might help you understand the behaviour a little more and help you manage the way you feel.
· If you sense the topic of conversation is causing you or anyone else in the room feelings of anxiety, distract them and steer it towards a different topic.
· Remember, you can’t change the person but you can change the way they make you feel. Nobody can make you feel angry or unhappy, you do that to yourself because of the way you feel and your perceptions. You have complete control over how that person’s actions and words affect you. Take control of your own emotions and choose not to let them affect your enjoyment of Christmas.
· If the conversation is difficult people can usually be encouraged to talk about themselves. Ask them about their lives and acknowledge their feelings by responding supportively with comments such as “that must have been difficult” or “I’m sure that gave you a sense of achievement”.
· If all else fails, play ‘word bingo’, have a few words written down in advance that you know that person always says and as soon as you hear them do a mental count. It will distract you and stop any negativity getting to you, but just be careful that you don’t shout ‘Bingo’ out loud if they use every word on your list.
Try these techniques when you’re with family and friends this Christmas and just see how the atmosphere changes.